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naam: Tearshedinheaven
latijns:opisthograptis luteolata - hagedoornvlinder
features: a halo of dark hair. pale skin littered with freckles. deep chocolate eyes rimmed with gold frames.a prophet's heart and a poet's hands. harebrained, sharp-tongued and just a bit wild.
homepage:https://www.pinterest.com/livingloaf/boards/

To Tearshedinheaven. 		observations Tearshedinheaven, 15 Aug 2020 20:18
maybe the domesticity we crave is already here. the golden filament of a lightbulb and the gentle sway of weeds in the front yard. the understanding between the stars and the moon. much less longing for a better life but longing to be known, longing for a north star.

To Tearshedinheaven. 		yearning. growth. Tearshedinheaven, 15 Aug 2020 20:14
it feels as if it's been ages since i last visited and ages since i've known what to do with my words. the papers pile up and the emotions go unprocessed and the drip finally stops. i'd like to live a new kind of poetry but i find myself fixated on the past and the things i know i will never understand, the closure i will never receive. wounds do heal in due time, but they leave jagged scars on freckled skin in ways that tell you you have lived, but in doing so grown uglier.

To Tearshedinheaven. 		family Tearshedinheaven, 18 Feb 2020 00:11
i know life is not all about fair chances, but when will i be given one? i feel as if i'll never know what it's like to grow up ''normal.'' but at the same time, do i even have a right to feel disadvantaged? there are so many situations far worse than mine and i feel like i'm selfish to want sympathy. how does it feel to grow up normally? to grow up loved?

To Tigerparty. 		oh dang Tigerparty, 10 Mrt 2020 03:34
are,, are we the same person?

To Tearshedinheaven. 		winter; spring Tearshedinheaven, 06 Feb 2020 19:46
it's been a year. everything is different now! for the better i hope. it's strange to be without people i used to be so close to but i've managed. now i'm sixteen, it feels like everything wants to go so fast. i miss the warmth of spring, the lush greens and all the little flowers that spring up. i'm hoping i can take advantage of the good things as they come, and really appreciate them before they go. the warm sun. small sparkles in the concrete sidewalks. the pale blue of a chlorinated pool.

To Bugbird. 		Summer, Fall, Bugbird, 07 Feb 2020 03:30
No matter what time of day, time of year, time of season, nothing stays the same. Stuff changes, for the good or bad. People come, people go. Colors fade in and out, but you yourself never change. So good luck this year, little [yet older] moth, and spread your wings in hope for a good year to come!

To Tearshedinheaven. 		ouch Tearshedinheaven, 01 Aug 2019 08:24
after trying so hard, i didnt reach my goal. i wont be able to for another whole year. it really hurts but ive gotta follow through. slap a bandaid on this broken leg. new era isnt going so well. buggies. :-(

To Springisnice. 		Spring Springisnice, 02 Aug 2019 21:31
A goal can be met, even if it takes another whole year.

If it couldn't, why call it a goal?

To Tearshedinheaven. 		new era Tearshedinheaven, 25 Jul 2019 04:44
i'm trying to be a new person suppose. losing someone who was really important to me has changed me and i'm not sure it's for the better. i'm really trying to become a more authentic version of myself, to enjoy this life i've been living. it's difficult, but i think i have a good life. i'm only 15. perhaps i have time to learn. do you fellow bugs have any recommendations on how to really feel free? limitless? poetic in the most vague and vicarious way?

much love,
andy

To Andythecowboy. 		Another Andy? Andythecowboy, 25 Jul 2019 06:40
Funny, we're the same age, and have the same name. My situation is not exactly the same as yours, I haven't lost anybody important, but I feel like I've changed in a negative way over the years, and I don't know how to go back. I'm not sure if I even can, to be honest. I don't know how to help you, but I just felt like letting something out, and seeing your post made me think a bit on my own circumstances. I hope someone can give you an answer.

To Tearshedinheaven. 		andy the cowboy! Tearshedinheaven, 25 Jul 2019 07:38
quite a name youve got! i love cowboys myself.. something about a late-set cowboy phase hitting me now as a teenager. is this a familiar feeling felt by all fifteen year-old andys? i suppose the loss isn't all that important- she's not dead after all. maybe that's the sadder part. but alas, life goes on. i hope we both find what we're looking for, something to round the corners and make us whole :-)

To Springisnice. 		Spring Springisnice, 02 Aug 2019 19:56
It's okay, I know how that feels. Losing someone important to you and you can never be the same because the person that is gone affected you too much to the point where it's hard to change back. I'm your same age, and for once I feel like I can relate to someone.

Reading helped me, but most people don't enjoy to read anymore. There are so many good books out there that should be seen by the world now.
Running also helps, too. When that sense of hopelessness washes over me, I just run.

To Springisnice. 		Spring: cont. Springisnice, 02 Aug 2019 19:58
Sorry if it was long or weird. I guess I got to into it...

To Tearshedinheaven. 		not too long at all! Tearshedinheaven, 03 Aug 2019 04:21
i love to read! often i get sidetracked and dont read as much as i'd like. i love aristotle&dante discover the secrets of the universe.

as for running, i can't say the same-- im asthmatic, so a run is just a trip to wheezeville. i'd like to run if i could though. sometimes i think it'd be great to just run until my legs give out. not necessarily to get away, just to get somewhere other than here.

To Springisnice. 		Spring Springisnice, 05 Aug 2019 20:50
I've actually wanted to read that! Unfortunately, however, I am currently busy with some stuff.

For me running is an amazing experience that I try not to let go of. I currently have many things going on with my legs and feet as they are screwed up, but I still try to run often. I hope one day you can get the chance to run like that!



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